Saturday, December 11, 2010

Update to the update..

The mystery to the email to the DMV was solved today. My cousin called my mom's sister's new husband inquiring about some things that were bothering her about her mother's health. This conversation led to greater things and more conversations.

He is the one that has obtained a copy of the email that was supposedly sent to the DMV. He has connections with some people at the DMV and was able to obtain this information. We were still flabbergasted because no one from my family has done anything with the DMV to get his license revoked. What this man has a copy of is the fax that was sent to my grandfather's doctor by my brother on behalf of this side of the family. This letter was faxed to the doctor and only to the doctor in regards to my grandfather being deemed fit to care for himself. The doctor did call my mom that day and discuss these things with my mom but her sister is so good at manipulation that she convinced him he could care for himself and that neighbors were checking on him three times a day which is not true. The doctor then scanned the fax and emailed it to the DMV which started all of this paperwork and investigations into his mobility for driving. This also explains the argument he had with his doctor when he went to see him to get a letter of mobility signed so that he could keep his license. The doctor refused to sign one. My grandfather yelled at him and told him he was no longer his doctor.

We also found out that the will has not been changed. My grandfather thinks it has but it was not changed. Supposedly my mom's sister intervened with the lawyer and refused to take my mom out of the will but did agree to leaving her in charge of everything. Koodos for her if this really happened, I will believe it when I see it. My mom's sister has not had the decency to inform my mother of this. She thinks my mom believes she has been removed. She says that is between her father and my mother, not her.

So, as for the reason that my grandfather wanted my mom out of the will. It is not because of her. He is punishing us three grandchildren and my father. He does not want us to have his money because we were involved with his license business. He knows if my mom inherits it then we will eventually inherit it. He does not want my Dad to have it because my Dad can not stand my mom's sister and my grandfather knows this. This is my grandfather's way of punishment and revenge. That is some gratefulness to my Father who stayed with my grandparents every night for one solid year to care for them. My grandfather is mean and spiteful.

His license is one of the final things to his independence. He feels as long as he can drive that he is independent. He can not drive. He should not drive. Everyone in our family and my cousins agree except for my mom's sister. She agrees with everything he wants regardless of his health or anyone else's health or safety. She will do anything to make him happy and not mad at her. She has to always be in his good graces. She will lie, manipulate and hurt anyone to stay on his good side. She also will not do what is in his best interest and safety if it means going against his will. She does not care if he gets hurt or hurts others while driving or living.

It is so sad, real sad. We are the only ones fighting for his safety and care yet we are the ones that are the bad ones and hated. We care enough to fight and see to it he is cared for and all he thinks we want is his money. When and if social services steps in , there will be no money after that. We want social services to intervene because our hands are tied.

I have been struggling the last few weeks with the fact that I have not been there to visit him since we had words weeks and weeks ago. I want to see my grandfather that used to be not the one that is there now. I am being told by my mom and cousin that I am the only one of the three grandchildren on this side that is still on good graces. I cannot understand why after the argument we had that day. I do not want to go up there and have him tell me to listen and don't talk while he talks about how awful my family is and then when you defend them be told that I am wrong when he is wrong. That is not how I want my final memories to be. I want my memories to be of the grandfather that loved me and thought I was special. Up until recent months, I was one of the two favored grandchildren. There are five grand kids all together. I am not pouting or bragging. I want the good memories not the ones of him being a mean, deceitful and hurtful man.

The sad thing though about my good memories. They are not of doing things with my grandparents. We never did anything with them but go out to dinner. They are not of my grandparents buying me things. They did only on holidays and birthdays. My precious grandmother would sneak things here and there when he was not looking. She was the giver but he never knew. They never came to anything we did. I think they came to one swim meet in my 8 years of swimming. They stopped by the bowling alley during one tournament in my 6 years of bowling. That was only because my mom came by before going to dinner with them after church. He was always happiest when you were doing for him and giving him gifts. I would buy him candy and brownies all the time growing up and he loved me oh so much. I see all this now. My aunt's new husband is the greatest thing in the world to him now. You want to know why? Everytime he comes to the house he has gifts for my grandfather. Snacks, candy, wine. He never shows up empty handed and my grandfather just takes it all in and thinks he is fantastic. I included my grandmother in on some of this but I know in my heart that she wanted to be at things and would have but her life was about making him happy. She had to prove her love to him for 72 years. What a woman, what a saint! He will tell you that when she said that she loved him, he would respond that she needed to prove it. I am not trying to be negative against him but only realizing after 37 years what makes him click. Everyone doing for him. My grandmother would hide the chicken thighs in the refrigerator at family gatherings so that he could have them all. One time she even told us the grocery store did not give her any thighs in the 50 pc chicken she ordered. She had them all in a tin for him in the refrigerator. I was the one that discovered this that year.

Well, I know I am babbling. I am ever so grateful to my blog and blog readers who put up with my long posts and allow me to get it off my chest to keep my sanity.


The Brown Recluse said...

Becky, I think you should bake a batch of browies and take them over there. When you see him, be sure you start the conversation first, with something really positive, and have a good visit with him. If you do go for a visit, at least you'll know whether or not you will want to go back.

That corgi :) said...

Before I read Meg's comment, I was thinking the exact same thing, to go and visit your grandfather and talk about "fun" things, don't let him bring up anything hurtful or hateful. Stay for a short visit and try to keep it all positive if you can. It is hard not to carry around bitterness associated with ways and words he has done and used over the years because that can consume you and take over you and you don't want that to happen (been there, done that). If anything, be grateful that God orchestrated it that your grandparents met, married, etc because without that happening, you wouldn't have your mother, know what I mean? Think of the positives to be thankful for.

As for his driving, I do understand everyone's concern. My FIL at 87 is unsafe to drive but no one will step in and intervene. His doctor told him not to drive and said she wouldn't inform the DMV if he said he wouldn't drive (she knew how hard it would be for him to actually lose his license or have it taken away so she wanted him to promise not to drive and at least keep his license). He is still driving despite that. I started praying that if he was unsafe to drive, and only God knew that, for God to open people's eyes to that fact and get him off the road. I fear what will happen if he has an accident.

We can only hope if we God allows us to live this long that we will handle ourselves better and make wiser choices