Sunday, October 21, 2012


When will this nightmare end and I wake up and find out this month has all been one terrible dream?

I just want my brother. I miss him. I love him. I dont understand.

I know the spiritual sense of things but right now I dont want to hear it. I just want to cry and vent and scream.

I saw my brother all the time. I want to see him now. WHy did he have to die? Why could he not have received a warning? Why did he have to die? He was trying to change his weight.

I just had lunch with him that SUnday. One of our last conversations was ab out Chipper Jones retiring and his kids nor grandkids would never  need money. He never got to see Chipper's last at bat just 5 days after this conversation. We had been to Braves games together and watched Chipper play. I dont want the memories , I want the nows.

He didnt want to die. He never would have wanted this pain for my parents nor us. Speaking of the pain... What has my family done that has been so bad to have to experience such pain? I just dont undersand... he was only 49.

Today was a hard day at church though he had not been worshipping at our church for 2 years. The memories hit me like a ton of bricks of the the years of him being there... he was there for 47 of his life and 37 of mine. Everywhere I looked there is a memory. Someone who had not seen me walked up and just said... I am sorry about your brother. That sent me into a one hour crying fiasco. I left the church only to walk outside to see the funeral home that shares our parking lot was bringing a body in. That was the funeral home we used. Oh, that didn't help. It made me think of his cold and lifeless body taking the same journey 2.5 weeks ago. It is just not right. I know he is with Jesus but I want him here. I want Christmas and Thanksgivings with him.

Speaking of Christmas. Last year was his last and he was with us, Praise the Lord. He and his wife did not fly to her home until after Christmas last year. We were with him his last Christmas but I was sick and spent most of the day on Vicadin laying down but he was here. Oh How I long for him to be here again. I  know he is happy with Jesus but I am selfish and want him here.

The coming weeks are going to be bad with the business. Some days I put my poker face on and go on and sometimes it is written all over my face....GRIEF!!!

Thanks for letting me vent and not being judgmental.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Come to Jesus

My requested song today in which his childhood friend sang.....

Chris Rice - Untitled Hymn (Come To Jesus) Lyrics

Weak and wounded sinner

Lost and left to die

O, raise your head, for love is passing by

Come to Jesus

Come to Jesus

Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted

And carried far away

And precious blood has washed away the stain, so

Sing to Jesus

Sing to Jesus

Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby

Don't be afraid to crawl

And remember when you walk

Sometimes we

Fall on Jesus

Fall on Jesus

Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely

And steep and filled with pain

So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then

Cry to Jesus

Cry to Jesus

Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over

And music fills the night

And when you can't contain your joy inside, then

Dance for Jesus

Dance for Jesus

Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat

Kiss the world goodbye

Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and

Fly to Jesus

Fly to Jesus

Fly to Jesus and live!

Monday, October 8, 2012


NEWPORT NEWS - Robert Wayne Sutherland, 49, born March 18, 1963, lifelong Peninsula resident, died Oct. 4, at Riverside Hospital.

Robert was the owner and operator of Agape Christian Bookstore. He was also a local umpire for fast pitch and slow pitch leagues in Newport News, York County and Williamsburg areas. He was a lifelong member and deacon of Riverside Baptist Church, and a member of First Church Ministries.

He is survived by his wife of four years, Delores Krug Sutherland; his parents, Bob and Peggy Sutherland; two sisters, Becky Sutherland and Deborah and brother-in-law, Steve Petrovitch; and one nephew, Cameron; as well as close extended family in Virginia; his mother-in-law, Betty Krug, and a large extended family in Illinois.

Family will receive friends from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m. Tuesday, Oct. 9, at Riverside Baptist Church, 7409 River Road, Newport News, VA 23607. The funeral will be 10:30 a.m. Oct. 10, at Riverside Baptist Church. Burial will follow in Peninsula Memorial Park.

In lieu of flowers, contributions can be made out to Robert Sutherland Memorial and mail to PSUA, P.O. Box 1844, Newport News, VA 23601.

Love him....

Thursday, October 4, 2012


Aching heart, aching stomach.....

My most precious, dear, thoughtful, caring brother passed away legally today at 3:05 PM by means of the declaration of his brain function. Heart and breath wise at around 8 PM. Spiritually he went to be with Jesus in my heart on Monday .

Robert I love you with all my heart. Yes I have some regrets but in sibling relationships you bicker and get on each others nerves. Thats life. I loved you for who you were and did not want to change a thing about you. You loved everybody and got hurt easily because of that. Your heart was so good.

You lived the life of Job but never gave up in your faith. Life sent you many struggles but you kept going.

You could not have any money to pay bills but if a homeless person came in the store and wanted food, you would scramble and walk with them to Food Lion to get food. In your healthier days , you would do anything for anybody.

Robert at least a 100 people came to the hospital in your time of need. They love you, they love us. We love you. You loved us. I hope I can live out your legacy in your ability to touch lives. WOW, is all I can say to that. Do you know how many friends made you their status on facebook this week? I just cried reading the posts. Unbelievable.

You didnt want to die... I know but you are now rejoicing with our Saviour. Praise Jesus. You are singing and your best friend that has been in heaven for 23 years is beside you playing the piano. I sang praise songs to you Tuesday just knowing when you heard my awful voice you would awaken and tell me to shutup. I knew then your spirit had left and this was just your earthly body when that awful noise didnt wake you.

Am I angry?  Oh yes, yes I am because we love you and want you here. You were only 49...way too young. It is not the natural order of things to bury your brother before your parents. Its not and its not right! I have said that so many times this week. ITS NOT RIGHT!

It's not right that it is a few weeks short of one year from burying our grandfather... THATS NOT RIGHT TO MOM!

It is not right for Mom and Dad to bury their only son. It is not right for me and Debbie to bury our only brother. It is not right for Steve to bury his brother of the heart. It is not right to Cameron to bury his Uncle Rob. It is not right of Dee to bury her husband of 4.5 years. IT IS NOT RIGHT!

I am not mad at you but aggravated that you didnt listen about the sleep apnea. Had you listened would you have met our maker on Monday? In that I really question . I believe God has your timing and knows but at the same time I dont believe that. I am so confused. All the what ifs!

In the mean time , we are left to grieve. We are left to follow your legacy of a Godly man. No doubt that is what you were.

You are a loved man , more than I could ever say.

You know Dad shows no emotion and doesnt talk but today he did tell me that I am just like him. This time he was talking about emotions. You were like Mom and he thinks I am like him but really I think I am Mom and Dad and Debbie is like Dad.

You LOVED your family. When there were talks about you and Dee moving to Illinois to be with her family. You were doing what you do best... thinking and scheming. You were trying to convince all of us why we needed to move to Illinois with you. YOU LOVED US! You had it all planned out on where we could work and live... you were good at thinking up things like that. You were a thinker.
As Dad said in your body's final minutes... Thanks for being my son for 49 years. Save room for me in Heaven. 

I say...Thanks for being my big brother for 39.5 years.  Prepare a place for me , Ill see you there one day.

 I know God had a bookstore ready for you there too with no worries and no stress.

No doubt that God said to you.... Well done, Good and Faithful Servant.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

No update

No update today... same as yesterday.... still praying for a miracle on that EEG today.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

prayers miracles

Blogger friends.... Please pray for a miracle. I plead with you .

My brother is in CCU onlife support. We need a miracle.

I dont want to lose him... It is not right. I am so upset.