Aching

Aching heart, aching stomach.....

My most precious, dear, thoughtful, caring brother passed away legally today at 3:05 PM by means of the declaration of his brain function. Heart and breath wise at around 8 PM. Spiritually he went to be with Jesus in my heart on Monday .

Robert I love you with all my heart. Yes I have some regrets but in sibling relationships you bicker and get on each others nerves. Thats life. I loved you for who you were and did not want to change a thing about you. You loved everybody and got hurt easily because of that. Your heart was so good.

You lived the life of Job but never gave up in your faith. Life sent you many struggles but you kept going.

You could not have any money to pay bills but if a homeless person came in the store and wanted food, you would scramble and walk with them to Food Lion to get food. In your healthier days , you would do anything for anybody.

Robert at least a 100 people came to the hospital in your time of need. They love you, they love us. We love you. You loved us. I hope I can live out your legacy in your ability to touch lives. WOW, is all I can say to that. Do you know how many friends made you their status on facebook this week? I just cried reading the posts. Unbelievable.

You didnt want to die... I know but you are now rejoicing with our Saviour. Praise Jesus. You are singing and your best friend that has been in heaven for 23 years is beside you playing the piano. I sang praise songs to you Tuesday just knowing when you heard my awful voice you would awaken and tell me to shutup. I knew then your spirit had left and this was just your earthly body when that awful noise didnt wake you.

Am I angry?  Oh yes, yes I am because we love you and want you here. You were only 49...way too young. It is not the natural order of things to bury your brother before your parents. Its not and its not right! I have said that so many times this week. ITS NOT RIGHT!

It's not right that it is a few weeks short of one year from burying our grandfather... THATS NOT RIGHT TO MOM!

It is not right for Mom and Dad to bury their only son. It is not right for me and Debbie to bury our only brother. It is not right for Steve to bury his brother of the heart. It is not right to Cameron to bury his Uncle Rob. It is not right of Dee to bury her husband of 4.5 years. IT IS NOT RIGHT!

I am not mad at you but aggravated that you didnt listen about the sleep apnea. Had you listened would you have met our maker on Monday? In that I really question . I believe God has your timing and knows but at the same time I dont believe that. I am so confused. All the what ifs!

In the mean time , we are left to grieve. We are left to follow your legacy of a Godly man. No doubt that is what you were.

You are a loved man , more than I could ever say.

You know Dad shows no emotion and doesnt talk but today he did tell me that I am just like him. This time he was talking about emotions. You were like Mom and he thinks I am like him but really I think I am Mom and Dad and Debbie is like Dad.

You LOVED your family. When there were talks about you and Dee moving to Illinois to be with her family. You were doing what you do best... thinking and scheming. You were trying to convince all of us why we needed to move to Illinois with you. YOU LOVED US! You had it all planned out on where we could work and live... you were good at thinking up things like that. You were a thinker.
As Dad said in your body's final minutes... Thanks for being my son for 49 years. Save room for me in Heaven. 

I say...Thanks for being my big brother for 39.5 years.  Prepare a place for me , Ill see you there one day.

 I know God had a bookstore ready for you there too with no worries and no stress.

No doubt that God said to you.... Well done, Good and Faithful Servant.