Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thankful Thurday!

In my first post I was complaining and not being thankful. So here goes:

  • Spending Thanksgiving with my family, especially my grandparents.
  • Already having all my outside Christmas decorations
  • The case of fresh collards my neighbor just gave us, ummh good.
  • Food on the table this Thanksgiving.
  • Jesus, for eternal life.
  • A job , even though my paychecks run late, at least I get some.
  • Friends
  • Macy's parade.
  • Health, next week will be one year since my cancer scare and surgery.
  • Clothes in the closet, well on the floor and on the bed too.
  • Christmas music
  • Christ's birth.
  • Running water.
  • A car to drive
  • Gas prices that are decent
  • My Bible

Happy Thanksgiving All! Remember to give thanks to God for all your blessings and not just your meal. It is way more than the feast.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

I am taking the day off and not worrying today about what I consume. Tomorrow I am back on track. Someone made me wedding cookies yesterday. Oh my! The are my weakness. Thank goodness they only gave me twelve. This morning I had my annual Thanksgiving breakfast of sausage balls. I did not over indulge because they were delicious. I listened to my tummy and it said to stop. My taste buds say we want more but my tum-tum says that is enough.

I am celebrating the afternoon at my aunt's house. This is a stressful day because she is a stressful person. She acts like she is OCD. She will freak out if you accidentally drop one little morsel on the floor. The kids can not even play without the parents worrying about anything being broke. She freaks no matter where they play. Even if they play toys on the bed she will fuss that her bedspread is out of place. If they play on the floor she worries about the carpet. This year we have been informed that all 20 of us must eat in her dining room and sun room. OK for some houses that might not be bad. For hers though, it only holds about 12 comfortably in both rooms. She wants a Norman Rockwell moment where we are all at the table. Great but my family is hefty and 20 people for a table of 8 and 4 is not happening. Why she wants us to come to her house is beyond me except for the fact she puts us all to work after eating with getting her Christmas decorations down. See actually she uses us. So while all of you enjoy your afternoon with your family, I will enjoy parts of it but being at her house is far from enjoyable. It is all we can do to tolerate. She also informed us that if we eat at 2 no one can leave before 4. What a dreadful day! I will enjoy being with my grandparents since they are 90 and 94 and going downhill fast. I will tolerate her for their sake as long as they are alive. Well have a great Thanksgiving. Thanks for letting me vent.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Damage Control... Holiday Stress

This evening the last thing I wanted to do was go to the Y and workout. You see I had let one bad choice today control my thoughts. The bad choice was a whole meatball sub. The thoughts were rapid. The first one, you already blew it today with the meatball sub so just keep going. It is Thanksgiving week , you know you will blow it Thursday so keep going. The third, well its the holidays, you might as well just forget your lifestyle change and have fun. Oh the devil was having fun in my head. What did I do? Well I came home, ate dinner and went to the Y. Oh boy, I did not want to go to the Y but I did . I had some serious thoughts during my 25 minute elliptical workout and 25 minute circuit training. What were those thoughts, you ask? Ok , here goes. I am proud of me for being here, first off I know this is a bad week with Thanksgiving celebrations but I am not going to let that control my whole week. I am here now and performing damage control. If I over indulge on Thursday, it is ok, it is only one day. I will just have to get my booty up and out at the Y as much as possible this week. I can and I will. I was also thinking about a conversation today about seeing people who you don't see often and will know you have gained weight. We all dread this. I had the same situation this Saturday for a baby shower. It was for a friend I have known all of my life. I had not seen him or his wife nor his family in awhile, nor some mutual workmates from years ago. I did not want to go but I put on my big girl panties and went. Luckily, only one former workmate was there and she was nice. My friends and their family embraced me like I had just seen them yesterday. They were friendly. In fact I received an email from one today stating that she thought I looked great and could tell I had lost weight. Well that day totally went the opposite of what I thought it would. It was actually encouraging. My next thought was on stress eating, yep that includes holiday stress. I need to take control of my eating and not my emotions. I can not blame situations. I have to blame me. The situation did not make me eat the taco, chips, soda, whipped cream, cookie, the whole pizza or the whole sub. I chose to , I chose to let the emotions control me and not me control the emotions. I need to remember this and use it as mental training in the midst of this economy, work stress, home stress and holiday stress. It is hard but I can take control. I can choose to journal, walk, exercise, read, pray, etc. If I am insistent on eating , I can make healthier choices, instead of chips, choose a crisp salad, instead of chips, choose pretzels, popcorn, etc. I need the control not the food. It is my prayer to remember these thoughts and revelations each day when faced with the stress of life, work, family and the holidays. As for the holidays, I can control my choices before the big day and I will . I will continue to go to the Y even when I don't want to because when I come home I feel great and I love that feeling. ( By the way, off the subject, I cant get the paragraphs on blogger again, so sorry this is one big thought)

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Little one prayers...

Working with preschoolers in Sunday School you learn that these precious little ones will some how let you know something is not right at home. Most of my kids are brought by their grandparents, how sad. This one little girl kept telling me that she was going to see her mommy last Sunday. I found this just a little odd because she lives with her mommy but spends Saturdays and Sundays with nanny and papa. I asked her grandma why she was so excited to see her mom. Then did I find out the sad news. Her mom came home one day over five weeks ago and told her husband to leave and to take their daughter because she needed a break. This broke my heart. This little girl is so precious and beautiful from the inside out. During this five weeks or more she has seen her daughter very little. The mom will come get her for a few hours and bring her back and then not call or talk to her for a week or two. There are so many women that would love to have a child and can't and here she is not wanting to see her daughter. It breaks my heart. Today the little girl was sick and went to the ER, the mom did come but the mom got upset because the little girl cried for Nana not momma. What did she expect her to do?Nana is the one taking care of her every day. I can not give you her name but please pray for this little one in your prayers this week.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Thankful Thursday from Lilbit the cat

Thankful Thursday from the me the cat, LILBIT!

Thank you for the bright sunshine and warmth for me to take just one of my many naps in a day.

Thank you for black hair bands , you know the one you see in the picture that I am guarding by my left front leg .My missy bought them for herself than I hijacked and use them for fetch and tug of war. I didn't even let her keep one. I would see them on her vanity and steal them . Now they are all mine, did I say ALL MINE!

Thank you for my missy's big feet so I can attack them and bite them on her way to the shower. Oh it is so fun!

Thank you for bathroom faucets. I do have a water cup but I much prefer to drink the drips out of the bath tub faucet.

Thank you for my missy's recliner that I sleep in all day except at night when I allow her to sit in it.

Thank you for my missy's bed. As soon as I hear her get up I go and steal the warm spot. That is so nice of her to warm it for me all night.

Thank you for my food. My missy always gives me some though I never beg for my food . I only beg for her ice cream! Though I only want a little but it is soo good.

Thank you for my missy seeing me that day at the SPCA and falling in love with me. I was so cute and little at the time. Well, hmmh, I still am cute, at least I think.

Thank you for my Big Mrs. finding me in my neighbor's backyard after I escaped for five days last October. I really was scared and skinny. I know now that house I am stuck in is safe and warm. I won't do that again.

Thank you for that little boy, I think the Mr. and Mrs. call him their grandson and missy calls him her nephew. I do love him and he is my buddy. I do miss him not being here as much now that he started school. Though I do not miss hiding all my toys from him. Now I do not have to hide all my rubber bands and fluffy balls under the television stand anymore. Uh-Oh, I hear him coming... I have to get busy... BYE!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A funny thing happened....

A funny thing happened at lunch today with my nephew at school. Between my sister and I we meet him everyday for lunch at school. ( Yes, he is spoiled but he is still adjusting to how long the school day is so we meet him for lunch and it breaks up his day. )Anyways, I go on the day she works. I understood that she was working a half-day today and would not be at lunch so I went. Much to my surprise , she showed up too.

This was very confusing to his fellow kindergarten friends. See my sister and I look alike so everyday they thought we were the same person. One kid, Tyrone, would always say, "Cameron, your mom is here." I would respond, " I am his aunt." The other days it really was his mom. When Tyrone sat down he looked at us and said.." Cameron, do you have two mommies?" My sister and I just laughed. Oh my the rumors will fly soon. We did try to explain to him that I was the aunt and his Mommy's sister but was he listening was the question.

This is the same class that last week one of the little boy's told my sister that his daddy was going to be mad at him. She asked why.He proceeded to tell her that he was going to tell his mommy that his daddy slept with another woman last night. Remember these are kindergartners.

Oh the odes of public school. Sad to say though, private school may not be any different.

Prayer Request

I do not know this blogger but ran across her blog off my friend, Jen's blog. She is going through a heart-breaking experience with an adoption. I am an adoption advocate and most of you know my nephew is adopted. In my state the biological parents have one year to change their minds. That is a hard year when you have the child and love him more than life itself. You wonder the entire year if today is going to be the phone call that they want him back. I give all glory and praise to God that the dreaded phone call never happened and the adoption was legal after that year. Unfortunately this woman has had the dreaded phone call. The baby was born last week, she had not taken her home but she had held her , fed her and bonded with her. I can not imagine what she is going through. Please visit her blog, pray for her and encourage her.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Conflict... How do you handle it?

I am just curious as to how different families handle conflicts within the family.

Do you express how you feel , get it out , and let it go? I do in most cases.

Do you hold it in until you explode? I have done this.

Do you just pretend there is no conflict and never deal with it? I know a few that do. It seems so unnatural pretending things are always honky-dory when they are not.

As new members enter our family and circle of friends, I am discovering alot more of the latter question. How can you pretend there is no conflict? My blood pressure would be through the roof. If the opportunity surfaces, I will express my concern, grievance or conflict. I will fuss, yell or talk about it but once it is off my chest it is gone. I am ok thirty minutes later. I have run across a few people recently that think everything in a family is supposed to be wonderful all the time, no conflict. You never snap at one another and you never point out anyone's short-comings . Not that we look for them but faults do surface. Well how can we become better people if we don't express our feelings, learn from it and move on? Shouldn't your family be the one place that you can expect honesty no matter what. Are we really being honest with each other when we don't solve conflict or just pretend it does not exist?

As you can tell my mind has been wandering and discovering hypothetical questions. . Wow tomorrow may be the true meaning of life.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Thankful Thursday

I have been going through some personal struggles that have left me wondering if I was thankful for anything at this stage in my life. I have contemplated it for these few Thankful Thursdays and decided that maybe this would life my spirits.

I am thankful for
  • God's love... he is always there we just have to find him and get our minds off "me"
  • My beautiful nephew... Praise the Lord for adoption
  • The love of my nephew... he loves for me for who I am
  • My parents
  • My grandparents, she is 90 and he is 94
  • My health, last year was pretty scary
  • My preschool sunday school class... oh I love those kids
  • My siblings... even when we argue, we were all blessed with different opinions
  • My handsome orange tabby cat... even though he plopped on my stomach at least 15 times this morning because he felt I needed to get up
  • Roof over my head
  • Food in the cupboards, refrigerator and freezer
  • DVR
  • Clean clothes
  • Running water
  • YMCA-cheap membership so I can work out and work my frustrations out
  • Blogger and my followers that let me vent
  • Jen, for reading the long emails I can not blog about

Well, actually I could go on but I will save some for next Thursday.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

gastic bypass thoughts

I started this post the other night. I went to watch a television program and fell asleep until 3 AM. So here goes again...

Gastric Bypass....

I have been thinking about this subject for weeks. I am a candidate but I have no desire. My neighbor came over to do some plumbing things around here and he has lost 100 ponds since his surgery this summer. He was trying to encourage me to do it but everything he said turned me off. He went on to say he has to have these protein shakes 3 times a day and he does not take his vitamins he can tell . He can only eat an ounce of food at a time. He went on to say, I can not have soda, red meat.... etc. Well what about that do I want to do forever. If I had that much self control for all that, I have the self control to do it on my own and am determined to do so.

I am not against gastric bypass for anyone else that feels led to do it . It is a life-saver to some but at this time I do not feel led to have it done. I know five people that have had it done. Four of which have not had many problems and do not regret it. I know one who wished she could redo life and not have it done. She has had nothing but problems since day one. One day when I am down and discouraged I may opt to have it done but at this time it is not an option. In the meantime, Weight Watchers is still my choice for guidance and encouragement.

Thoughts anyone....

By the way, I have been down about the weight I have gained back in the last few months. The other night at the Y , a guy came up and told me he could tell I had lost weight. I chuckled, thinking, ok not a good line to flirt with at this time. Then as I talked to him , he told me to remember to not think about the gain. Get my mind back in gear and realize my loss for the year. I am 15 pounds lighter than I was at this time last year. How true! Now it is my prayer to actually be able to say that again next year.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Struggles and Trials

I am struggling with my weight, emotions, finances, work, and so much more. It seems everything around me right now is negative.

PROBLEM:I went to work-out last night and was thinking deep on the treadmill. I loved the feeling of losing weight , getting smaller and seeing results but I can not get that feeling again right now. I have no desire to exert energy. What has happened? I don't know. I know I am in a slump and need to pull out . Heading into winter does not help with the winter blues. I do not want to gain weight, my jeans are already feeling tight again. I don't like that.
SOLUTION:I will keep trying. My goal is to go back to WW meeting tomorrow. I have been following plan somewhat but have slipped.

PROBLEM:Our business is going through another trial which makes my paychecks very periodic. This week is only two days late. I am trying to hang on during the trials but I have bills haunting me. I may live with the parents but I have car payment, insurance, property taxes, cell phone, student loans, medical bills and some credit cards I keep trying to pay-off but they keep haunting me.( Not to mention , Christmas presents to buy) I have removed my credit cards from my wallet but the balance goes no where.
SOLUTION: I have already cut back my eating out and this month started a budget. I knew I had a birthday dinner and gift to buy for my sister so I put that money away so I would not spend it. I even took my check card out of my wallet because I have a habit of playing beat the bank. Beat the bank has cost me dearly in the last few months. I also put some to the side for savings so I will never be broke... I even forgot where I put it. I have now made it a point to pray everyday for our business.
As for Christmas presents, I have a habit of buying all year and putting away, well last night I found a pile of presents. I found items meant for my mom for mother's day which will be Christmas now. I found photo albums and stationary which will go to my sister-in-law. I also found candles and other things I bought for various friends and employees. Praise the Lord. No, they are not regifts but new ones I bought on sale. Alot of names knocked off my list already.

PROBLEM: Emotions... the stress around me at work and home leads to the emotional eating. My parents have been married for almost 50 years and this last year has been the most trying. They bicker alot here. My grandparents are 90 and 94 and failing fast. I know the time is coming for them to go onto glory but I can not imagine life without them. My mom has to do more for them on top of her stress here taking care of my dad. I do try to help but I am not a caretaker.( That is why I am not making the money my sister makes as a RN.) My grandparents are both hard of hearing so when my mom talks to them on the phone you can hear across the house and outside. My dad needs a hearing aid but he doesn't think so... everything you say you have to repeat... it gets old. gets old . Do you see stress?
SOLUTION: Move out... refer back to the finance situation.

PROBLEM: Stressing about my love life. I look around and so many people in my life have met and married their soul mates. Yet at 35 , I am still single. I have a bad habit of looking at someone and thinking, wow how did he/ she get a husband/wife? I know that is wrong. Then I think , what is wrong with me. I am nice, I am pretty, somewhat, why can't I find anyone. My brother did eharmony and so did a friend. My brother is married and my friend is engaged.... Well I am worried about rejection when men meet me because I am not skinny. SOLUTION: Get some self esteem and courage... Pray!

This is only a brief synopsis of some of my struggles. I am trying and I am praying . Maybe blogging about it will release some of the negativity . I can hope and pray. Actually i do feel better. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read, now you are my prayer partner and warrior.