Monday, May 28, 2012


I hope and pray that my siblings and I do not end up like me Mother and her sister. Though after my vent today, we may be heading there.

I live at home for financial reasons. I wish I was on my own but in this season of life, I am here. That can be good and bad for relationships.

I love my Dad with all my heart but I get tired of his demands. See, he is always telling my Mother and I to do things he can do himself. We get the brunt of it because we live with him. Some days, I have had enough. Sometimes I just think he sits there and thinks of things for you to do for him. It is nerve racking. I do it because I respect my Father and don't want to regret things when he is gone. Remember, I do this everyday. Every day he says... get this, get that, get this , get that. It never ends and most of the time he can get it himself.

I know he just had hip replacement surgery and is recuperating but it is month 2. When my Mother is not around I have to do things for him that she normally does. I do refuse to do some things because he can do them himself, like fix his own plate. She will fix it and take it to him. I tell him dinner is ready and he can come get it. If I see him struggling I will help take it back but it does not help him for us to do it.

This weekend we went to my cousin's for a family reunion. We stayed in a hotel. He did not tell me how to drive but would click his mouth. I know what his mouth clicking is, he is not happy. He controlled the directions and kept them from me. Once we got to the hotel, my Mom had stepped out. I had to get him a pillow, give him a blanket , fix him some water. Needless to say, I was over it. My Mom sometimes deliberately disappears because she gets tired of it too. It would be different if he could not get things, he can.

We arrived at my cousin's. My Mom was outside. My siblings were in a room playing a card game about 10 feet away. My Father got up to go to the restroom then comes back and sits in a different spot. He immediately tells me to get the coaster, get his medicine bag, and get his newspaper from where he was originally sitting. I lost it. I loudly proclaimed so that everyone could hear me that I had two other siblings who needed to help and that I was off duty this weekend at this point. My brother and my sister heard me. My brother in law and sister in law were in the room with me. She just smiled and walked away but my brother in law went off on me stating he was not doing anything. He just kept saying, no, no you are not. First off,  I said I had two siblings, I do consider my brother in law to be a second brother at this point I was talking about  my siblings God had given me through my parents. I looked in the other room and he was telling my sister that no they were not going to help and I can not say that I am off this weekend..... WHY? WHY is it my responsibility? I am with him at home and take care of the needs, wants, and demands all the time . Can they not give my Mother and I a break when we have things together? Is that not the least they can do?

Someone in the family said to me that since I live at home for free that they feel I should tend to his needs when my Mother is not around. I do EVERYDAY! But see my parents have done just as much for them. My nephew is 9 next month. They have never had to pay a dime for a babysitter. Does that not add up? Oh, in the summer occassionally they give me $20 or they pay for a meal on Sundays. My Mother works at my brother's store everyday for free. Free as in no pay. She also has loaned him WAY too much to keep the business open that has not been repaid. So everyone of us owes them. Why should I be more responsible than they are? Oh, thats right, I am everyday that I live there. Is it too much to ask that when we are together that they give me and her a break?

I do have a breaking point and today I reached it. I decided that I would go outside to socialize for the afternoon where my Mom was. This left no other choice but for one of them to provide for his wants and demands. My sister did step up because I think she knows I was at my breaking point and I am thankful for that. The day I see the other step up to do something, I know the world will be coming to an end.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Forever Friend....

This post is not meant to offend any of my friends. It is a tribute to a friend that has been in my life almost all of my life. She is my FOREVER FRIEND. I have been reminded lately that life is too short not to tell people how you feel.



Someone that you have known all your life.

Someone you used to play with all the time. I remember eating grapes your Dad grew on the side of the garage. I remember your Mom watching me a few times that my Mom was working.

Someone that you can not talk to for a few weeks or months yet know you are not mad at each other.

Someone that you can not talk to for a few weeks or months yet talk to them today and you would never know that you didn't talk to them everyday.

Someone that just stands there and listens when you need to talk even though you are babbling and babbling.

Someone that you buy a Christmas gift for every year even though it takes you until June some years to actually give it to them but they don't care. I think actually one year, it was the next December.

Someone that hears through the grapevine that you are in the hospital and does not get upset that she hears it that way. Instead she calls around to find where I am then when she gets off work, buys flowers and comes and sees you. I can never express how I felt when I saw you at a distance at the nurse's station when I was being rolled back from a test. I knew beyond a doubt you were there to see me. I may not have expressed things at the time... I was in a daze most of the time but there were tears when I saw you.

Someone that is so eager to provide a meal for your family when you are having rough times.

Someone that you let in your house no matter how messy your house is... this house is always messy.

Somoeone that understands what your are saying when there are things that go unsaid... they just know.

Someone that has seen you at your worst ,in your jammies and at your best heading to church.

Forever friend goes beyond any title I could give you. Best friends can come and go . Close friends can do the same. I have a list of names that had those titles that are no longer around.

Forever Friend is much stronger of a name and very rare......Literally, I know you will be my friend, forever.

I hope that I am at least half the Forever Friend you are to me.

Thank you, Angela.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Friend Update.....

My friend's Father passed away this morning. I woke up several times last night with the overwhelming spirit to pray for my friend and her family. My last prayer at around 6 AM was for God to call him home to Glory. He was tired and his family was worn out. God answered my prayer and their prayer. He went to be with Jesus at about 8:30 this morning.

This man had some faults in life that I will not go into detail about. I can tell you  that he loved God. He had a heart for the unsaved. He was a faithful Father and Husband. He chose his pallbearers two years ago when he was first diagnosed with possible brain cancer. His pallbearers for those that know him seem very different. They are not close friends or family. I started crying when they told me they are 5 of our neighbors. None of us are close neighbors but her and I, but they are hospitable neighbors. These 5 men that he chose are 5 men that he has tried to witness with all these years. None of the 5 ever showed an interest in coming to know Christ. I think 2 did make a profession of faith but did not stick with it. He chose these 5 men because he knew they would be pallbearers for him out of respect. He knew this would be his last chance to witness to them from his casket. You see this was a way to get them into the church to hear the Gospel preached as he knew it would be from his Pastor. What a heart he had for these men?What a legacy to leave with his daughters!

An update on to what the Lord laid on my heart to present to the family during his final days. I made a sunshine basket. I bought a lot of things from our bookstore such as: coffee mug, suncatcher, pen, notepaper, cd, a book, small plaques with scripture, an angel, box of tea, candy bars, luxury soap and lotion, and much more. I wrapped all of this individually and taped a comforting scripture verse for each item. I told them to unwrap them whenever one of them was really down and needed a little encouragement. They took turns picking something out everyday until Wednesday when he was placed in the hospital. They had made a decision that they would open a gift only when all three of them were home to appreciate it. They told me today they have enjoyed it and it has uplifted their spirits.

I was thinking of what to take the family today when I went to visit. I know they have a caring church and would inundated with food. My Mom agreed that food is the last thing they need. When the grandmother died , they had so much food that they were sending it to us. We did go get some soda, orange juice and a few bags of chips. I know chips is a food but not a perishable food that must be eaten within days.

In the mean time, please uplift his wife and daughters in prayer. They have a hard road ahead of them. He was a good Father and Husband but an overprotective and controlling one. They now have to adjust to life being lived on their own with no other control but God. They will survive but life will be so different. The daughters are my age, one is on her early 30's and the other will be 40 in December. Life will be so different.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Shower time....

I get to take a shower tomorrow.WOOHOO! I am excited. I have not had a shower in 4 days. Should I tell secrets like that? I am clean people. All parts that need to be cleaned have been cleaned. I have taken sponge baths in the kitchen. Good thing the house behind us is  empty because they would have seen a New Orleans Mardi Gras flashing in that window... the mini-blind is stuck.

My Mom's first splurge with her inheritance was redoing the bathroom to a handicap bathroom. It was supposed to be a 2 day job... this is me people does anything go right? NO...but it is done now and tomorrow I get to take a shower.I am so excited. I am someone that has to shower everyday and wash my hair. One day of leaning over the kitchen sink was fine... but not 3.

Noodle Nest.... don't say I cant rough it... for me those 3 days were roughing it and I get to have running water all over my body tomorrow and not just where I can squirt it with the kitchen water sprayer.

Woohoo! Come on 6:15 AM.

Growing too fast....

I have watched my wonderful nephew grow up way too fast. I still watch him 3 days a week but am not spending as much 1 on 1 time as I used to. You see, he is growing up and wants to play with his friends now while I babysit. We do very little together just one on one.

Today we were in the car for almost two hours driving to get tickets to the local Orioles farm team. I get them ahead to get the seats we want. That was two hours of just talk time with the commute to and fro with traffic and a pit stop. We stopped at a local ice cream shop. I let him go in alone. I could see him from the outside windows and watched him all excited to wait his turn. He was spinning the quarters on the counter, dropping them and just being his usual silly self. He turned and gave me a big wave with his gorgeous smile. It just warmed my heart. He walked out with a huge ice cream for himself and a small drink for me but he was so proud of doing it by himself.

We talked and talked about anything and everything in the car. He showed me some new signs he learned from his school buddies. One I did not like and tried to explain to him that it was a bad sign and we don't do that. It was not the middle finger , we went over that years ago. This is one that implements what happens between a man and woman when they should be married. He kept inquiring as to what it meant. I thought about it and told him it was something married men and women do and that is all he needed to know. He said that he knows what married men and women do . They have babies and the baby comes out the woman's koochie. I laughed and laughed. I asked who taught him this because I was afraid I was getting on thin ice with this subject. He said , " My Mommy did."  I laughed some more because she is an RN and usually uses the medical term not the slang term. I told him that the sign is what men and women do to have a baby and he was satisfied. I also reminded him it is not a good sign or gesture and not to use it again.

This has created a dilemma. My Mom thinks I should tell my sister. The problem is I am his safety person and I told him I would not discuss things with his Mom unless it will harm him. His parents have a tendency to over react. Even if I tell her things to put a bug in her ear, she does not protect me. She will tell him I said
this or that and then he distrusts me. He obviously trusts me and I don't want to break his trust. I have told her some things that I thought would hurt him so she could talk to him about it. This to me is not a problem until it happens again.

In the mean time, I will always be here for him to feel safe and be able to talk to. I don't know that I could love my own child anymore than I do him. I love him so much, even when he is being a spoiled booger. What I have learned is to slow down and enjoy the moments because they grow up way too fast.

The highlights of my day .... watching him smile and seeing his laugh lines around his mouth. Oh , How I love this child.

Monday, May 7, 2012


A close friend and neighbor is losing her Father. He was put under hospice care last week. She is my age and her Father is 6 years younger than my Dad. She , like me , still lives at home. Her though, for other reasons. Please pray for this family.

I want to do something for them. They always bring us a meal when my Dad is in the hospital. When her Mom had surgery and went to rehab, I gave them a gift card to Chick-Fil-A because I knew they would be on the go alot. However, I know a meal may not be well received or needed because they are all home and I have tried before. My Mom suggested flowers but I find that morbid considering there will be lots of flowers when he passes. I have thought of brownies or a fruit basket......Any suggestions.

Sunday, May 6, 2012


Well.I went to a medical express place. I had to practically beg for an antibiotic. Doc tried to tell me bronchitis is viral and MOST people do not respond to antibiotic. I AM NOT MOST PEOPLE! I know my body and will fight this for 3-4 weeks before getting better. He finally wrote the prescription for that, an inhaler and codeine cough medicine.

How am I now? I am fine as long as I don't eat, talk, sleep or exercise. What else can I do but sit and do nothing,now? Last night was the worst night so far. Codeine used to put me to sleep as a child but now it is a stimulant. I was up all night and I coughed all night because I could hear the congestion rattle. I hate that.

Hope I feel better soon.

Friday, May 4, 2012


Pray for me to have a good night's sleep. I have the bronchitis bark. I have the nasal drip causing the bronchitis bark. I have the headache from the nasal drip causing the bronchitis bark.

I think I am going to a quick medcare place tomorrow because I can not take the chance of my Dad with COPD getting this.

Thursday, May 3, 2012


Happy 70th Birthday Mom!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


I still exist..... yet again, I need a new keyboard.When this happens I don't post that often. I need to stop buying cheap keyboards. The o and the spacebar stick on this keyboard.

Anyways... wanted to tell you about something I tried tonight from Sonics.... A hot fudge milkshake...oh it is so good.

Noodle Nest....I also had your favorite....Old fashioned Cherry Coke.

Hope to post more soon.

One more thing, I had a bad day subbing one class yesterday.The kids were rude,mean and told me to do something in very foul language. student came into class acting like a fool. He did not say anything bad just acting foolish cause he had a sub. One larger student that I have often looked at him and said...."Oh no man, you are not acting like that with her, she is the sweet sub." I dont consider myself sweet when working cause I can hold my own and be strong but this kid considered me sweet and defended me. He made me feel good.

Toodles.... allergies killing me and I am heading to bed.