Monday, May 28, 2012

Siblings.....

I hope and pray that my siblings and I do not end up like me Mother and her sister. Though after my vent today, we may be heading there.

I live at home for financial reasons. I wish I was on my own but in this season of life, I am here. That can be good and bad for relationships.

I love my Dad with all my heart but I get tired of his demands. See, he is always telling my Mother and I to do things he can do himself. We get the brunt of it because we live with him. Some days, I have had enough. Sometimes I just think he sits there and thinks of things for you to do for him. It is nerve racking. I do it because I respect my Father and don't want to regret things when he is gone. Remember, I do this everyday. Every day he says... get this, get that, get this , get that. It never ends and most of the time he can get it himself.

I know he just had hip replacement surgery and is recuperating but it is month 2. When my Mother is not around I have to do things for him that she normally does. I do refuse to do some things because he can do them himself, like fix his own plate. She will fix it and take it to him. I tell him dinner is ready and he can come get it. If I see him struggling I will help take it back but it does not help him for us to do it.

This weekend we went to my cousin's for a family reunion. We stayed in a hotel. He did not tell me how to drive but would click his mouth. I know what his mouth clicking is, he is not happy. He controlled the directions and kept them from me. Once we got to the hotel, my Mom had stepped out. I had to get him a pillow, give him a blanket , fix him some water. Needless to say, I was over it. My Mom sometimes deliberately disappears because she gets tired of it too. It would be different if he could not get things, he can.

We arrived at my cousin's. My Mom was outside. My siblings were in a room playing a card game about 10 feet away. My Father got up to go to the restroom then comes back and sits in a different spot. He immediately tells me to get the coaster, get his medicine bag, and get his newspaper from where he was originally sitting. I lost it. I loudly proclaimed so that everyone could hear me that I had two other siblings who needed to help and that I was off duty this weekend at this point. My brother and my sister heard me. My brother in law and sister in law were in the room with me. She just smiled and walked away but my brother in law went off on me stating he was not doing anything. He just kept saying, no, no you are not. First off,  I said I had two siblings, I do consider my brother in law to be a second brother at this point I was talking about  my siblings God had given me through my parents. I looked in the other room and he was telling my sister that no they were not going to help and I can not say that I am off this weekend..... WHY? WHY is it my responsibility? I am with him at home and take care of the needs, wants, and demands all the time . Can they not give my Mother and I a break when we have things together? Is that not the least they can do?

Someone in the family said to me that since I live at home for free that they feel I should tend to his needs when my Mother is not around. I do EVERYDAY! But see my parents have done just as much for them. My nephew is 9 next month. They have never had to pay a dime for a babysitter. Does that not add up? Oh, in the summer occassionally they give me $20 or they pay for a meal on Sundays. My Mother works at my brother's store everyday for free. Free as in no pay. She also has loaned him WAY too much to keep the business open that has not been repaid. So everyone of us owes them. Why should I be more responsible than they are? Oh, thats right, I am everyday that I live there. Is it too much to ask that when we are together that they give me and her a break?

I do have a breaking point and today I reached it. I decided that I would go outside to socialize for the afternoon where my Mom was. This left no other choice but for one of them to provide for his wants and demands. My sister did step up because I think she knows I was at my breaking point and I am thankful for that. The day I see the other step up to do something, I know the world will be coming to an end.

1 comment:

That corgi :) said...

I know each family has different dynamics but I can tell you what happens here since son is living with us basically rent free and has lived with us in the past basically rent free. I don't expect anything from him. He helps out with this or that, but if he doesn't, that's okay. If I want him to do something for me, an errand or help with a project, I ask him if he is available to do so and will pay him for his time in a fair equitable wage. I do provide him at times a bit of spending money to help with gas, etc and expect nothing in return.

Take no offense, but I think your dad is a bit controlling and does expect this and that from you all. You have to decide what you will do or not do, but of course always try to treat him with the respect as a parent he deserves. In saying that, he should not walk all over you gusy. Hubby's dad was a bit demanding with what he expected/wanted. It did cause a lot of problems with the two sons and did impact our marriage. I will never do anything like that to my children.

betty