Sunday, December 27, 2015


My family is healing. We had a great Christmas under the new normal.

Christmas Eve was our tradition of sandwiches and various salads with ice cream cake for dessert. We let my nephew have his gifts from his Nanny and myself.

Christmas morning, Mom and I went to their house but brought breakfast. We watched my nephew open his presents then exchanged gifts with each other.

Christmas afternoon, we went to the grave sites and left flowers. We then drove to visit my cousin who was spending the day with her Mom, the crazy lady, my aunt.

Christmas night we ventured back over to my sister's house for a new Christmas Eve dinner. We had prime rib roast, scalloped potatoes, Brussels sprouts, green beans and tons of sweets.

What was the best thing about Christmas other than the birth of Christ? Laughter.... we laughed as a family for the first time in years. I mean belly laughs. We also reminisced about my dad and brother. The laughter was good. We played  Pie in the Face. It was hilarious.

Thank you God for sending your Son in the form of human flesh to be our Saviour. Thank you for the gift of eternal life in which we will see Jesus and our loved ones again one day.

Sunday, October 18, 2015


Reality of life....

Had to put on my big girl panties this morning and do something that my father has always taken care trouble. I have been having problems getting my ignition to turn over and was going to call the auto repair shop tomorrow. I also have been telling myself to do that for days.Well, my car did not want to wait until tomorrow. I came in and called my Verizon Roadside Assistance. They are on the way.

My first official big girl paycheck and......I will have car repairs.

Isn't life grand.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Confession time....

I must confess.....

I was reprimanded at Wal-Mart today......I opened a soda and drank some of it before paying for it. I was not reprimanded while walking around the store though, I was reprimanded when I paid for it with the rest of my groceries.  I just had to laugh.....I was reprimanded for doing the right thing, paying for my items. She is wally world policy that you pay for items before you consume them, most people do not but thank you for purchasing your consumed item....I chuckled because I was talking to another cashier when I pulled it out and opened it and she said nothing. ....Oh the meanness in me wants to go back to her every time with a different opened item just to hear her reprimanding speech and drive her nuts.

On to other things, I was also praised in wally world by a city police officer for staying and directing a confused elderly woman out of the parking lot and into the store. Then staying with her because she would not talk to the officer, only me. She acted like she was old friends of my mother and myself and wanted to sit down to talk. I saw her standing at a car in the parking lot. She said something to a man while he drove off. I asked if she was alright then she followed my mother and myself into the store.  She showed my Mom some papers from her purse so we found out her name. The officer and I went out to the car to get the license plates. I returned and my mom found a paper from her church. I called the church but no answer. Then I remembered that her pastor is friends with my pastor. I called my pastor and was directed to her pastor. He was coming to get her when the police department made contact with the house where the granddaughter informed them that her mother was at wally-world with her somewhere. This had been going on for about 30 minutes. The store finally paged the daughter. She walked over to her mother and scorned her for leaving the vehicle. The police officer dropped his mouth. She told him that her mother is confused easily then thanked him and walked away. I looked at him and he said, I was going to say something but I will do even better. I am filing a report and calling Adult Protective Services. The whole fiasco was 40-45 minutes that this woman would have been sitting in the car in a parking lot alone. It scares me to think of what might have happened to her if someone crazy had found her roaming. We live in a population of gang activity. Anything could have happened to her. I think back and wish I had said something but figured the officer was in control but he was astounded by the behavior himself.

This bring me to an update of years ago.....the crazy lady, my aunt. She has the fastest acting form of lobal dementia. It has now taken over her ability to feel full. She never weighed over 110, she weighs 210 now. We have found out that part of her craziness years back was a result of the oncoming of dementia but we can not figure out exactly where because of her mean, domineering, in-control personality.

Ok , I am procrastinating writing a paper.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

When you need a laugh....

Today marked the one year anniversary of my Dad's death. As the tradition of my brother, we release a balloon at the grave-site and then have lunch at their favorite restaurant. I try to make a sad day, a somewhat happy day by rejoicing in their life and not spending the day in sorrow. Jesus gives us hope and I know we will be reunited again.

Well, brief history if you have not heard before. I shared with my nephew years ago that my Dad did not like catfish. He grew up near a pond of catfish . He thought they were ugly and nasty. The problem is my Mother and I love catfish. My Mom would cook it and my Dad would ask what kind of fish it was and she would always reply that it is just fish. He would eat it. When he passed last year, one of the first questions my nephew asked was whether or not his Be-Bob knew now that he had eaten catfish all these years. I told him probably so. He then inquired whether he would be mad. I replied that in Heaven no one is mad and that his Be-Bob probably laughed.

Fast forward to today. I asked him where he thought we should go for lunch today in memory of his Be-Bob. He thought and thought. I told him we were going to Olive Garden because Be-Bob always wanted Olive Garden. He  agreed. Then he looked at me just as serious as he could be and said we have to go to that new seafood restaurant you found. I asked him why. His reply was because they serve .......CATFISH!

I laughed and laughed. Oh did I need it on this day.

Well, we went to the grave-site and released some balloons. He chose a happy face balloon because he wants his Be-Bob to be happy. We did not end up at the fish place because my mom did not think catfish would be a good memoriam lunch. Although if you knew my Dad's jolly personality and jokes, he would have understood. We ended up at Subway because he requested Subway tuna or seafood all the time.

Overall it was a good day. Having my nephew around made it enjoyable. It is also enjoyable that he is getting some of his Be-Bob's jovial personality to make such suggestions and joke about eating catfish in memory of tricking him all those years.

Thursday, July 30, 2015


You have been patiently waiting for the good news. I have been patiently waiting for a piece of paper to be in my hand but since it is on a website and I have been called to pick up my official laptop. I figured I would announce it .


Do you know how long I have worked to becoming a teacher and getting a full-time job....Forever! Praise be to God!

 Details later, but please pray that my license arrives soon. That is the only thing that can hold me back.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Good news coming....

Good news coming soon.....

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

I am writing

I am writing and writing and writing but unfortunately it is not on this blog . I have three discussion board questions every week,a 2 page paper and a 3 page paper every week. This does not include tests , quizzes and reading......I am stressed but as of Sunday, I am half way through both classes . I can do it, I can do it.

Just don't ask me to be nice to you right now, I have been just a tad bit feisty.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Pray for Me

I took a big step out of my comfort zone. I have returned to school after 15 years. I am now working towards my Masters in Special Education. I took my first course online last month and received an A. I am set to begin my second class Tuesday. I did some research and discovered that the classes that I need to get my license for next school year are not offered through my Master's program until next summer. So, I enrolled as a non-degree student at a local university to get that one class. What does this mean ? It means from Monday until June 28, I am taking an online course, an in-class lecture course  and working 40 + hours a week. The local class is not covered under financial aide . That takes a chunk of my savings away with my work ending in one month. The song "I will Survive", keeps playing in my mind.

Please pray for me handle all this and to be financially alright this summer.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

I didn't do it.....

Nope, I didn't do it.

I did not exercise today. I have been trying to make that a daily habit again. I have had bronchitis and a terrible cough for weeks. I was feeling better this week. I went to Aqua Zumba Monday night and enjoyed it. I did yardwork yesterday. Today, I was going to Aqua Zumba but dinner took longer than expected to cook. I was hungry and didn't want to wait until after 9 to eat dinner after Zumba. So, I stayed home.

I told myself that I would do a walking DVD. I even changed into comfortable shorts , tshirt and a sports bra. Yep, putting on the sports bra would make me exercise. Oh, that is funny.

It didn't happen.

I didn't do it.


We are finding it easier to go through some of my brother's belongings slowly. Today we went through two Bibles, one when he was a young boy and  a New Testament he took to church as an adult . My brother was an ordained deacon at our church. We found a note in his New Testament of some notes he wanted to share with the deacons about things that were not quite right. Some background history, my brother wanted change, these men wanted to do things the way they have always done it. This became a big problem in the meetings.

Out of the blue one week my Grandfather received a visit from some of the older deacons. There was a big vote going out on some change in the church, they were collecting votes. It was kind of dumb to go to the grandfather of a deacon wanting change. Their philosophy was they were visiting the elder members who get ignored...ok....Well, within a few hours my Grandfather calls my mom hotter than a firecracker. These men had told him there was a big vote coming up and they needed his vote to keep the church the way it has always been . He played their game while they were there because he is no dumb bunny. My grandfather already knew what was going on. These men told him that evil had gotten into to our church through one of the deacons and this deacon was wanting to change how things have always been done...ummmmh! This is his grandson. He not only was angry about why they came to the house but their agenda. He said in 40 years, no deacon has been to my house. Furthermore, wanting me to vote on something and thinking I am dumb enough to not know they are calling my grandson evil. This took place when my grandfather was of his good mind.

Well, in my brother's Bible we found a notecard in his hand-writing. It had  letters circled and notes beside each letter of things he wanted to talk about. The second letter was V for Visitation....are we doing it because we care , money or to get votes for our own agenda . Then you saw written, Grandfather/evil. Off those few words I remembered the whole story.

I was re-reading my blog the other night of some past posts. One of them talked about a man who disliked my brother but years later came up to my Mother and I and talked about my brothers passion for change and how he loved my brother. He also stated he sobbed and sobbed at the funeral.....Well , it was the same man my brother had wrote those words about. He is now in Heaven also.

I will post memories from time to time. Sometimes they will make sense to no one but me but I want to share....

My church is struggling to this day because the elders didnt allow change and now all the young ones who would carry on the church have left. HMMH! I wonder if that's how God wants his churches to be.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

I did it.....

I did it.....I saw my former sister-in-law and I did not give her a piece of my mind. Oh, I wanted to. After over 2 years, she finally gave us some of my brother's belongings. We were the last to receive anything. Nice to know where we stand.

She met us with her new husband at my nephew's game. I did get up and acknowledge her and side hug her. I did not talk much because I do not trust my mouth and what might come out. I heard her tell my sister that she gave this of his to this person and this of his to that person. I sat there thinking  oh how nice , all of these people above us. But instead of letting the devil win with my mouth , I chose to sit away and slowly eat Goldfish to keep my mouth busy.

She stayed the whole game. Her, her husband, my sister and Mom carried on conversations. At the end , she gave us 3 boxes and cried. Everyone hugged her and I stood away. I am dealing with alot of hurt and bitterness with her. She came over on her own, which she has never done, and hugged me.

How do I feel? I dont know. There are years of hurt , lots of hurt and it is hard to let go. I know Biblically what I should do but I am not ready. I am proud of how I was able to be around her and not be ugly.

My nephew did go up to her after being encouraged to hug her. Before we left, he , on his own, walked up to me and just hugged me and wouldn't let go. He is 11 and usually gives side hugs for a second. This was both arms front hug and not letting go. I think it was his way of letting me know, he understands and loves me always. .

I just ask you to pray for peace for our future.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Sometimes you just need a laugh

Sometimes the stupidest thing can make you laugh and not stop.

I was at the pharmacy waiting my turn to get put in a refill. There was a weird acting woman in front of me. She was asking slurred questions to the pharmacy assistant. The pharmacist comes over and states that he cant fill that prescription. He doesn't know the doctor, he doesn't know the patient and furthermore the prescription was from over 90 miles away. She says , yes I know its for my friends cousin who lives up north. I squint my eyes to see the prescription.....oxycodone....I could only laugh and not stop . I had the pharmacist tech laughing cause I could not stop laughing at what people will do for a fix.

Ohh...maybe you had to be there but it is also very sad.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Prayer Requests

This is wordy...I am sorry.

I was lucky enough to grow up down the street from one of my cousins. Unfortunately, it was from my grandfather's side which was not close . We did not have family get-togethers or know each other as family in the true sense. We knew each other as terrific friends that shared the same blood line.I did not know his grandfather because there were bad relations with his mom and grandfather.Like I typed previously, my grandfather was not close to his family.My cousin loved when he was able to go with me to my grandparent's house because he loved the history of his family. So he and I were blood line play buddies. There were a lot of years we were more like siblings and we acted like it. Well, life happened and we grew apart as friends but if we saw each other it was as if nothing separated us. He lost his 31 year old wife today to cancer. My heart breaks for him and their 3 children. They were together for 10 years. I met her a few times at our pool or around town. Just recently I had ran into her alone on 2 different occasions. She would talk to me as if she had know me forever. A beautiful woman on the inside and out. I have been told she was a believer.She is in Glory where there is no more cancer and no more pain. I feel sorry for those left behind. Her husband, 12 yr old , 4 yr old and 2 yr old kids . My heart bleeds for them. Please pray for them. He already experienced tragic  loss early in his life when his teenage older sister was tragically killed in an accident. He came to my brother's visitation . I said to him, if anyone knows how I feel , it is you. He replied, that I was wrong. He was only 10 and grieved as a 10 year old with memories of 10 years. He then went on to say that I had 40 years of memories and grief and it would be harder with that many memories. He would have loved to have had 40 years but at the same time that is more to grieve. That is one of the few things that I remember about that night and it stays with me forever. Nobody really knows your grief despite similar circumstances.

This cousin and friend was friended by 3 brothers at our pool we all belonged to. These  boys and their family helped my cousin get through his tough times of losing his sister. All of them have remained close for over 30 years.  Their mother was like a 2nd mother to him. She passed away also today.

That is two wonderful women within hours of each other. Heaven gained two lovely ladies. Please pray for both families involved.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

I feel

Today we had a first time marathon in our city. The route brought the participants right by our church on their final 2.5 miles. It was great. Some of us skipped church...well ooops, some of us used the opportunity to serve. We had permission to pass out Twizzlers from the city. We also cheered the participants on with yelling and posters. Almost all of the participants gave us a thumbs-up or a thank you. We continued until the last walker came through. We were out there 4.5 hours. It was quite an experience. I think I will have laryngitis tomorrow. I also may or may not confess to "borrowing " a Little Tikes drum from the nursery and getting a beat going for these participants. It was an uplifting church time for me.

Later , we went home and relaxed for a few while my nephew rode his bike. Later, we took a 25 minute hike.

I feel so good today.

Some of my feeling good is not just today. I have come to the conclusion that you only live once. I am doing things I have never done before. I have been going to Paint Nite and learning that I can paint and love it. I am going back to school to get my Special Ed degree and think I can take the position that I am doing now as a long-term sub. Life is changing and I am embracing it. It could not get much lower but its turning. Praise Jesus!

I am also going to Aqua Zumba and Aqua Kickboxing classes and walking alot. I feel great most days. I am walking taller and more confident. I have to thank an old high school acquaintance for encouraging me to get in the water again. God has brought us together as friends and we are encouraging each other. I also think God has brought her in my life to be a Godly influence on her. I could go into more but that is her story. I just just hope and pray that I am being what she needs and making God proud in the process.

Take my life and let it be a living prayer My God to thee.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Super Bowl Memories

I think back on the years of Super Bowl memories. I never watched it or showed an interest in anything but the commercials but now the day brings back memories.

  • Chaperoning the youth with my brother at a Big Super Bowl Bash Youth function.
  • Flying to Indianapolis with my Mom and brother on Super Bowl Sunday to go to a Christian Booksellers Convention, yes the year the Colts made it there. Well, I hope it was the Colts....I don't know my teams. My brother said that he was not interested in the game and we would all go to Steak and Shake. That restaurant was a treat because we did not have one and we loved their chili-mac. He started into my Tostitos. Time started ticking and ticking. Mom and I waited and waited. We finally said that we were hungry and ready to go. He responds with the fact he is not that hungry and wants to watch the Super Bowl. I was peeved with how long we had waited and the fact my Tostitos were half gone. Mom and I left and went to Steak and Shake which was right across the street. We ate happily then received a call....It was my brother and he wanted us to bring him some chili-mac. Oh....MEN!
  • One year , our convention was in Nashville ...( Jen...this was before you and Mike were there). We were watching a blizzard report which would affect our travel home. I had bought tickets to the Grand Ole Opry and was dying to go. My Dad had been keeping in touch about the storm and telling us to leave Thursday. I said it was not going to happen that I had tickets the Opry on Friday  night and I was going. I have my Dad's stubbornness sometimes too. SO we stayed. We saw the Opry , we walked to Teddy Bear's shop and had a great time. We left the next morning and made it to the mountains when the weather reached its peak. Out wipers were freezing before wiping. We took the first exit and stayed at a Howard Johnson that had a Subway. Howard Johnson's employee said that it was a good thing we stopped because there was not another exit for 5-10 miles and we were lucky that they had a Subway for dinner. We get up the next morning, Super Bowl Sunday. We head out to right past the exit and traffic is stopped. We hear that 2 tractor trailers had jack knived and it would be hours. So we sat for hours as we received phone calls from my Dad and my grandmother about our or MY stupidity and we were going to freeze to death on the interstate as my grandmother cried and hung up. We finally started moving only to discover the Howard Johnson guy lied and there was another big exit 1.5 miles down the road and if we had gone further the night before we would have avoided the tractor trailer accidents. So off we go and my brother is trucking at this point. He was bound and determined to make it home by Super Bowl time. Well, he succeeded we dropped him off 10 minutes before it started.
  • One year , my brother in law won a Super Bowl party from a rock station. We spent it with them at their house. All of us as a family plus friends.
  • My Dad was in a medical rehab one year after hip surgery. We had permission to take him out for the Super Bowl. He was so keyed up about being in a rehab and so much noise at my sister's house that he wanted to go back to the facility before halftime where it was quiet. All of us were shocked about that.
I look back at all those memories and what was sometimes frustrating times are now memories with a smile. I miss my Dad and brother dearly but am so thankful for the memories that keep popping up. I was so blessed to have them in my life. I miss them beyond words. No holiday is the same....not even Super Bowl Sunday.

Grief go from daily mourning to daily memories. .You go from the tears of them not being there to make new memories to the slight smile of remembering all the times you spent with them,

Thursday, January 15, 2015


Needing prayer ....very down and very frustrated.