Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Struggles and Trials

I am struggling with my weight, emotions, finances, work, and so much more. It seems everything around me right now is negative.

PROBLEM:I went to work-out last night and was thinking deep on the treadmill. I loved the feeling of losing weight , getting smaller and seeing results but I can not get that feeling again right now. I have no desire to exert energy. What has happened? I don't know. I know I am in a slump and need to pull out . Heading into winter does not help with the winter blues. I do not want to gain weight, my jeans are already feeling tight again. I don't like that.
SOLUTION:I will keep trying. My goal is to go back to WW meeting tomorrow. I have been following plan somewhat but have slipped.

PROBLEM:Our business is going through another trial which makes my paychecks very periodic. This week is only two days late. I am trying to hang on during the trials but I have bills haunting me. I may live with the parents but I have car payment, insurance, property taxes, cell phone, student loans, medical bills and some credit cards I keep trying to pay-off but they keep haunting me.( Not to mention , Christmas presents to buy) I have removed my credit cards from my wallet but the balance goes no where.
SOLUTION: I have already cut back my eating out and this month started a budget. I knew I had a birthday dinner and gift to buy for my sister so I put that money away so I would not spend it. I even took my check card out of my wallet because I have a habit of playing beat the bank. Beat the bank has cost me dearly in the last few months. I also put some to the side for savings so I will never be broke... I even forgot where I put it. I have now made it a point to pray everyday for our business.
As for Christmas presents, I have a habit of buying all year and putting away, well last night I found a pile of presents. I found items meant for my mom for mother's day which will be Christmas now. I found photo albums and stationary which will go to my sister-in-law. I also found candles and other things I bought for various friends and employees. Praise the Lord. No, they are not regifts but new ones I bought on sale. Alot of names knocked off my list already.

PROBLEM: Emotions... the stress around me at work and home leads to the emotional eating. My parents have been married for almost 50 years and this last year has been the most trying. They bicker alot here. My grandparents are 90 and 94 and failing fast. I know the time is coming for them to go onto glory but I can not imagine life without them. My mom has to do more for them on top of her stress here taking care of my dad. I do try to help but I am not a caretaker.( That is why I am not making the money my sister makes as a RN.) My grandparents are both hard of hearing so when my mom talks to them on the phone you can hear across the house and outside. My dad needs a hearing aid but he doesn't think so... everything you say you have to repeat... it gets old. gets old . Do you see stress?
SOLUTION: Move out... refer back to the finance situation.

PROBLEM: Stressing about my love life. I look around and so many people in my life have met and married their soul mates. Yet at 35 , I am still single. I have a bad habit of looking at someone and thinking, wow how did he/ she get a husband/wife? I know that is wrong. Then I think , what is wrong with me. I am nice, I am pretty, somewhat, why can't I find anyone. My brother did eharmony and so did a friend. My brother is married and my friend is engaged.... Well I am worried about rejection when men meet me because I am not skinny. SOLUTION: Get some self esteem and courage... Pray!

This is only a brief synopsis of some of my struggles. I am trying and I am praying . Maybe blogging about it will release some of the negativity . I can hope and pray. Actually i do feel better. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read, now you are my prayer partner and warrior.


Jen said...

I'm right there with you girl!!!!!

I just started back exercising this week.

I have to remind myself that I am worth it.

Love ya

a corgi said...

dang, I left a big comment and Blogger wouldn't take it; I think you are doing the right thing; you are not just dwelling on the problem, but trying to come up with a solution to it; most of them are workable ones too (except I know moving out right now is not an option). Look for ways to not spend but still have fun; free exhibits, walks in parks, etc. So glad you found that stack of gifts! I think we all this year need to be realistic and cut back a bit on holiday spending; I know we are going to seriously look at our list and reduce; hard economic times; we just need to keep praying like you are doing.