Someone in our church has started a Women's Bible Study on Tuesday nights. I participated in the one on Ruth and thoroughly enjoyed it. The worst part was the drive to her house. She lives 30 minutes from me on a good day. She chose the book of Revelations. Studying end times does not excite me at all at this time in my life. The other side of me wanted to go for the fellowship and support with other women in the church. I have struggled with this for weeks. Today was the first meeting and as of 4 PM , I was still struggling.
Why was I struggling so much?
- Because of Revelations,for one.
- I watch my nephew after school on Tuesdays, it is 5:30 sometimes before I get home and then I cook dinner. I knew on nights like this I could utilize the crockpot. That still only gave me 30 minutes of rest and dinner before my 30 minute drive. Most days I will have left the house by 6:30 AM also.
- I also have been struggling with things at church. I love my church but in my heart it is time to make a change. I am tired of some things and ready to move on. I love my church though. Make sense.
- I love the women taking the study but really had thoughts of whether I am taking it to not let them down or to truly study the Bible.
- I already prep a Sunday School lesson and children's church activities every week for our kids at church. I love those kids. I dont know if I could add another study on top of my other things to my list right now.
I made the decision today on my walk. My walk which was awesome. I did 2 miles in 36 minutes which is great for me. I listened to my newly synched IPOD with all scripture and Praise and Worship songs. It was me and God time. I decided that on the Tuesdays I did not have my nephew that I would attend the study. After all, I was supposed to have him today but his Dad stayed home sick and I did not have him after all. What a sign from God, right. In my mind, I made the decision to go but my heart was still heavy not really wanting to participate. As I kept walking I kept praying about some things in my life. A lot of things, my health, singleness, church, family. I was back to being wishy-washy again. I felt the Lord telling me that I needed to work on things with me including my health. See that has become my time with God. It was like he was telling not to take on anything more right now because I can not handle it. I then decided I was not going to participate. I know that sounds bad from a Christian perspective. I was relieved. I made a decision to concentrate on getting healthy and using my walking time to concentrate on praying and praising. I was satisfied with my answer then it was confirmed. My phone rang, it was my nephew. He wanted to go to baseball practice from 5-6:15 and did not have a ride because his Dad was sick and MOm was at work. He knows who to call and to count on. I then got in my car and took him to baseball practice. I knew then I could not go to the Bible Study and God had made it clear. I will miss the socialization of it but not the hustle and bustle of having to get there. I did realize I would be participating only to not disappoint the other women but knew if I started and didn't complete it, I would disappoint myself.
Another women's Bible Study has started at a local coffee shop on Mondays. I am seriously considering joining that one. It is closer. It is also on Mondays not Tuesdays which are easier. It is also not on Revelations. It also is more of a praise and church time which I am missing out on in my church because of working with the children.
I feel like I should feel bad for not participating in my church's Women's Bible Study but I don't. Is that bad?