Thursday, October 14, 2010


Everyone is home. Nothing really resolved.

My grandfather has turned on my father. My grandfather has "head of household" syndrome. He does not appreciate anything my father has done for him the last year. He just sees that when my father is up there that he likes to watch tv. My grandfather thinks he should ask permission to watch tv. He just sees that when my father wants to read at night , he turns a light on. He thinks my father should ask permission to turn a light on. My grandfather thinks when my Dad is hot that he has to ask permission to turn the fan on. See since my father does all these things he is defying the "head of household" by not asking permission.

The temporary solution. My father will no longer stay with him at night. He will fend for himself. If he falls, he will lay there until which time someone comes to check on him.

The things with my mom's sister are unresolved. She is still lying and manipulating. She is taking him to a doctor on Monday to deem him capable of taking care of himself. He is 96 and has limited use of his legs. He can not cook and can not use a microwave. In my last post, you will remember that he just fell two nights ago. Prior to that a month or so ago , he fell three times in two weeks. My mom and dad can not keep pouring their time and emotions into a man that acts like they are scum. They have tried and given everything. They are tired. When he was released from the hospital in May, he was released under the conditions that someone will be with him 24 hours a day. He has chosen to be alone. Social Services is being called tomorrow from my sister. Not to report my parents but to report on him. This is the step that needs to be taken for him to go into a home. We never wanted him in a home and it was never a thought but for the sanity of the family , it is necessary.

My grandfather was coming up to our family business everyday ( my Dad would drive him in on his way home from the night and pick him back up on his way back there at night) until my mom and brother did not side with him on the "head of household" syndrome. They think if someone is volunteering their time to care for you that you appreciate them and not be ugly. When my brother did not side with him, he brought up the time 10 years ago that my grandparents loaned him money when he was in trouble. All of that money was paid back years ago. As for him being at the store, it made life easy for my mom since she was his caregiver. She could work and he had his own spot and his own chair and was happy until yesterday. We found out though that my mom's sister did not consider that part of taking care of him. Since my mom was working she could not be taking care of him. Nope, she didn't feed him, change his Depends when he had an accident, help him to the bathroom and just see to it that all his needs and wants were met, including his daily milkshakes. Nope, that is not taking care of him.

My sister and I keep saying that my grandfather is becoming senile. My mom keeps saying we are wrong because the man he is right now is the man she grew up with. It just makes me adore my grandmother even more for putting up with it all her life. I see now that she really had a hard life. He never let her watch tv. In the daytime she could never have a light on. She had to cook what he was in the mood to eat. I could go on.

Well I have vented for the night. Thanks friends for your comments and prayers. Please don't stop praying.


That corgi :) said...

Becky, your parents have done the best they can. I think if your grandfather doesn't want their help and is bad mouthing your dad like this, out of respect to your dad, your mom needs to walk away from the situation with her dad/your grandfather since he (your dad) is her main priority (that old leave and cleave thing in the Bible).

It is sad your grandfather wasn't grateful for the help your dad did by staying there and insisted that he ask permission to do the simplest of things

again, will pray


The Brown Recluse said...

Walk away....