Thursday, May 27, 2010

Tenson is high....

My grandfather has a paid aide staying with him during the days now. Not that my mom wanted it but her sister did her usual and bulldozed around my mom's opinion and hired this woman with my grandfather's money. She is salaried now and is supposed to work 8 am-8pm. My aunt has convinced the aide that my grandfather and her are paying the salary so she can stay in control and my mom has no control. Well the truth is my aunt is not paying a dime but the aide does not know better. My father stays at the house from 8PM- 8 AM out of the goodness of his heart.

There were some words said against my father a few nights ago by the aid to my grandfather that were untrue. He was accused of *69 a phone call around mother's day and speaking ugly to the aid's daughter. I put the dates together and my dad was not around that house on those days. He had not been at the house since May 5 until the day my grandmother died on May 15, He was at home with bronchitis. Even as she was approached and told my father was not here during the time , she did not apologize. Just said... some man did. Well there were other men there that weekend, my cousin who only shows up for tragedy and my aunt's fiance. My mom mentioned to the aid that she hopes my dad does not get upset with all this and stop coming and staying at my grandfather's every night. The aid's response... If he doesn't, I will. Hmmh, I am sure for more money.

Today, the aide calls and says she has errands to do and cant get there til 9. She shows up at 9:45 . My grandfather had wet his sheets, he's 96 and it happens sometimes. My dad thought he was doing a good thing and took the sheets off the bed . My dad does not have good health or stamina either so he left them for the aide. The aide walks in and tells my father that he did not do anything this morning. Well it is not his job to do anything. She looks at the sheets and says thats not my job. I dont do laundry. My father went out and did the laundry. I am angry. First off she is not my dad's boss, secondly, what is her job. She does the sheets any other morning this happens. Even calls and tells us they are out of soap powder all time.

The dilemma. My mom and aunt do not get along. See my mom has been trampled on for so many years by my aunt that my mom has finally stood up to her and my aunt hates her for this. I could tell you some stories that would make your head spin. (At the house when the family was gathering for the funeral arrangements. The entire family, including her own kids and grandkids were in another room than she was cause no one can stand to be around her.) If we call my aunt and ask her what her job duties are , she is going to side with the aide because of bad relationships with my mother and father. The aide has smoozed my grandfather that my grandfather would even defend her over my mom and dad. It is sad.

I personally think the aide knows of the friction in the family and is trying to play off of it. She knows if my mom was to call my aunt there would be a fight and eventually my dad will stop coming at night and then the aide can stay 24 hours a day and get her salary raised and then not need her apartment.

Pray for peace. Unforunately with my aunt there is only peace if everything goes her way and only her way.

In regards to who has been there for my grandfather. My mom has been up there every day since my grandfather came home from the hospital on May 7. She has not been up there two days so far in three weeks. That was yesterday and today because she had some work stuff to catch up on. As for my aunt, hmmh. She was up there Sunday and prior to that day was last Wednesday for the funeral. She is retired. See if she hires the aide ( with my grandfather's money) she does not feel guilty because he is taken care of and it means my mom does not have to go up there and make her look bad.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

A New Addiction....

I have a new addiction thanks to my grandfather. It is not a good habit either. It is one that could sabotage me.

I am addicted to...... Banana Milkshakes.

My grandfather willingly left the house Saturday. He came out to my nephew's ballgame. Then went by our new location for our store. He took his scooter outside and sat under a tree and watched my sister-in-law mow the grass. Well, he directed her on how to mow the grass the way he thinks it should be mowed. He told my mom that he really wanted a milkshake. So I drove off the a local joint, Monty's Penguin. I called him and told him all the flavors and he chose banana. Normally the only thing banana flavored I eat is bananas. I love a fresh banana but not banana flavored anything. My mom told me to get her one too. I tasted hers and oh let me tell you , I was in love. All they did was ice cream, banana and milk. I ate a little of my moms yesterday and made me a small one today at home. Oh my, I am in trouble.

This banana milkshake thing has made me laugh. My first serious boyfriend used to love the banana milkshakes from Rally's. I always thought it sounded disgusting and would never try it because I just thought it was banana flavoring. See what I have been missing out on all these years. Maybe it is a good thing.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Day is Done...

The dreadful day came, the dreadful day went. Most things went well and as planned except the musical tribute to my grandparents. The song by Collin Raye , "Love, Me" just would not play. I was so disappointed. My grandparents eloped 72.5 years ago and this song was perfect. If I had thought ahead I would have had the lyrics ready. Here are the lyrics:

I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923 Grandpa kept it in his coat,
and he showed it once to me He said, "Boy, you might not understand,
but a long, long time ago, Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I
love your Grandma so. We had this crazy plan to meet and run away
together Get married in the first town we came to and live forever But
nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead I found
this letter, and this is what it said :
"If you get there before I do Don't give up on me I'll meet you when my chores are through I don't know how long I'll be But I'm not gonna let you down Darling wait and see And between now and then Til I see you again I'll be loving you Love, Me."
I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away In the doorway of the church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray I know I've never seen him cry in all my fifteen years But as he said these words to her, his eyes fill up with tears
"If you get there before I do Don't give up on me I'll meet you when my chores are through I don't know how long I'll be But I'm not gonna let you down Darling wait and see And between now and then Til I see you again I'll be loving you Love, Me."

My mom and I went back to the cemetery later to collect the ribbons on the flower arrangements. I thought this area of the cemetery was familiar but it is a big cemetery so I could be wrong. I took 20 steps over and found my brother's best friend's grave, and also his mother's grave. They were both long members of our church. I knew that his grave was diagonal to another couple's grave and I found that. Then I looked over and yet another church member's grave was right there beside them. That was five church members all within 20 steps of my grandmother's grave. When the spouses to some of these members cross over to Glory, there will be 9 members all buried within 20 feet of each other. I found this fascinating. All of these plots were purchased at different times and our area is no small town for this to be coincidental. God knew my grandmother LOVED our church and now her body is surrounded by church members and her soul is rejoicing with them in Heaven.

Sunshine, oh sunshine

Thank you Lord, for the sunshine peeking through the clouds. Oh you know my grandmother disliked a rainy day. Let it shine, let it shine for the memory of my grandmother as we bury her today.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Heaven Called....

Our prayers were answered at around 9 AM in this morning. My grandmother exhaled around that time and then entered the gates of Heaven. No pain, no gasping, no death rattle she just never took another breath. Very peaceful! Thank You God for ending her earthly pain and calling her to peaceful Heaven! My grandfather, her husband of 72 years was right in the room with her when her earthly body stopped and her spirit made its peaceful transition.

I had a short discussion with my 7 year old nephew at the park today. There is a school park right across the street from their house. I asked him if he knew where his Meme was . He said, yep she is in Heaven. I said, yes she is and she is dancing the jitterbug. I showed him the jitterbug that she used to love to do. He looked at me and said... Meme is dancing the jitterbug with Jesus. I smiled and loved the thought. Then the song... "I Can Only Imagine " kept playing in my head. What a celebration my grandmother had today. I will miss her but she is happy and can see with both her eyes and can dance the jitterbug again.

The above picture was her last month at a restaurant for my grandfather's 96th birthday. She was such a pretty woman.

Fefe .... I love you and well done good and faithful servant. Dance and I will see you one day.
I had finished this post and was heading to bed but I wanted to write about this memory. My grandmother always said that I was born so late in the grandchildren line that she would never see me graduate. I was 14 years after the oldest grandchild. My grandmother battled eye cancer and lost her eye to cancer when I was in my preteens. She was telling everyone then that she definitely would never see me graduate high school. She even took my graduation money and hid it in the family Bible and gave my mom instructions to give it to me when I graduate because she wanted me to have what the other grandchildren had for graduation . She just knew she would not make it until 1991. Well not only did she see me graduate high school. She saw me graduate community college in 1997 and Christopher Newport University in 2000. She also lived to see three of her five great-grandkids graduate high school and missed the oldest great-grandchild graduate from college by one day had he chosen to walk at the ceremony. What an accomplishment. What a memory!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Quick update

My grandfather is doing better. He is back to being his honorary self again. He has to watch his eating because he has a tendency to aspirate which in turn will lead to pneumonia again.

My grandmother is still fighting. I really don't know why, I hope that does not sound bad. She is pitiful. She sleeps 23 hours a day and is still out of it the one hour she is awake. It is heart breaking. I just can not understand if this is going to be her existence why she is still existing. I love her and don't want to lose her but seeing her like this is awful. She eats a little bit of oatmeal and that is it. The aid has to use a syringe to give her some liquids. I just don't understand.

So please continue to pray for them. I also have two other family situations that I can not detail that need a lot of prayer. Most of this falls on my mother's shoulders and why people pick these times to cause more friction I do not know. I do not know how much more my mom can take. She has her mother on her death bed, her father not far behind and then two other individuals in her life causing a lot of grief. She does not deserve this. I wish I could vent about it because both of these individuals affect the family dynamics of all of this but I can not . If I could you would think it was a soap opera. Really, you would. Please just pray. I am almost in tears now just thinking of her grief and wanting to fix it but knowing it would just cause bigger problems which we do not need now. Once again, just pray for everyone involved.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


My grandmother is being released to go home tomorrow to her home under hospice care. My grandfather has to stay in a few more days for some more tests.

It was his choice for her to go home under hospice. He wants her to be in her comfortable surroundings with no more needles or IV's. If you saw her arms, you would agree. She mumbled again today to him that she wanted to go home.

He told me he was happy today. Happy that she was going home and when he left the hospital he would go there too.

Please keep praying.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Still hanging on

I had a appointment today with my doctor so I did not make it up to the hospital until later in the evening, plus I was babysitting my nephew.

My doctor was concerned because my BP was not high but not normal either. I explained to him that if he had been through the night I had , his BP would not be normal either. I just told him that I was in the ER all night with both my grandparents. His eyes got wide. He then asked if my grandparents were the ******'s. I verified it. He was stunned. He said , he also did not get any sleep because he was the on-call doctor for this hospital last night and was the admitting and attending doctor for them last night. We were both shocked. I told him I knew it was Dr. ##### but never thought with such a common name that it was him. He came to my grandmother's room but I was in the ER with my grandfather at the time. He made one statement during my appointment... Your grandfather is going to pull through. I then told him about my grandfather releasing his secrets about money and things that he has never done before. He then said... well maybe he knows more than both of us.

My grandmother is still not doing well. She is out of it and sad most of the time. I prayed last night if this is the way she will be then to just take her on to Heaven.

We rolled my grandfather down to her room tonight. He held her hand and cried and told her he loved her. She knew he was there . She quieted down and calmed down the whole time he was there. She was trying to say some things but most of it was not comprehendible. I did make out that she told him " Lets get out of here." She rubbed his bald head and held his hand. I got a picture but for family reasons will not post it.I wanted to remember the moment forever. Some family members emotionally can not see her this way. He then prayed a prayer with her. He asked God to take her tonight and end her miserable life here on earth. We all just cried.

I stayed with him most of the evening. My grandmother has an aid in her room. We communicated through the communication board and had a heart to heart. I told him about my prayer and he cried and thanked me because that is his wish too. That is time I can never take back with him.

God granted me something else tonight. He granted me a few moments with my grandmother and she knew who I was this time. The last few visits in the last two weeks, she either did not know I was there or I was a lot of people but not Becky, her granddaughter. Tonight I was Becky, her granddaughter. Her eye was open and she saw me. I spoke to her and her legs started moving because she was so excited. Told me she wasn't doing well in mumbles and for me to get her out of here. I told her I wanted her to sleep tonight . She mumbled she would try. I held her hand and told her I loved her. I dropped her hand on accident because her body jerked and she went looking for my hand again. I reminded her that my grandfather came to see her tonight and she started babbling away some jargon. I knew she was telling me about his visit. She accidentally coughed in my face and mumbled she was sorry. I ensured it was ok. She asked for my mom. So she knew which daughter I belonged to. Told us her legs hurt in a mumble. Then off she went back to not knowing who I was again. Thank you God for those few minutes.

Please continue to uplift the two of them in your prayers. Both of them are fighting for the sake of the other but if this is the life she will live, he would not want it. We all know when she passes he will not be far behind. After 72 years of marriage, they want to always be together.

Prayer Requests

Today has been a tough day...

My grandmother has spiraled downhill in the last few days. She is 92. She has dementia and an infection. Her days are limited. It is really sad to see her right now. She was admitted to the hospital because of her infection and her fast downward spiral.

My grandfather who is 96 was also admitted to the same hospital. While she was being treated he just decided that he needed to be there too because he had been feeling bad. He even refused fried oysters today, he never refuses fried oysters. He was admitted with pneumonia and possibly a mini stroke.

They have been married 72 years.

They are 3 rooms across the hall from each other. Just pray that if it is their time , it will happen peacefully. No pain , no suffering.

It is 4:50 Am and I am just getting home to get a little rest. I am glad I cancelled my substitute jobs because I would have to be up in 40 minutes, not going to happen.

Thanks in advance for your prayers.