Thursday, May 27, 2010

Tenson is high....

My grandfather has a paid aide staying with him during the days now. Not that my mom wanted it but her sister did her usual and bulldozed around my mom's opinion and hired this woman with my grandfather's money. She is salaried now and is supposed to work 8 am-8pm. My aunt has convinced the aide that my grandfather and her are paying the salary so she can stay in control and my mom has no control. Well the truth is my aunt is not paying a dime but the aide does not know better. My father stays at the house from 8PM- 8 AM out of the goodness of his heart.

There were some words said against my father a few nights ago by the aid to my grandfather that were untrue. He was accused of *69 a phone call around mother's day and speaking ugly to the aid's daughter. I put the dates together and my dad was not around that house on those days. He had not been at the house since May 5 until the day my grandmother died on May 15, He was at home with bronchitis. Even as she was approached and told my father was not here during the time , she did not apologize. Just said... some man did. Well there were other men there that weekend, my cousin who only shows up for tragedy and my aunt's fiance. My mom mentioned to the aid that she hopes my dad does not get upset with all this and stop coming and staying at my grandfather's every night. The aid's response... If he doesn't, I will. Hmmh, I am sure for more money.

Today, the aide calls and says she has errands to do and cant get there til 9. She shows up at 9:45 . My grandfather had wet his sheets, he's 96 and it happens sometimes. My dad thought he was doing a good thing and took the sheets off the bed . My dad does not have good health or stamina either so he left them for the aide. The aide walks in and tells my father that he did not do anything this morning. Well it is not his job to do anything. She looks at the sheets and says thats not my job. I dont do laundry. My father went out and did the laundry. I am angry. First off she is not my dad's boss, secondly, what is her job. She does the sheets any other morning this happens. Even calls and tells us they are out of soap powder all time.

The dilemma. My mom and aunt do not get along. See my mom has been trampled on for so many years by my aunt that my mom has finally stood up to her and my aunt hates her for this. I could tell you some stories that would make your head spin. (At the house when the family was gathering for the funeral arrangements. The entire family, including her own kids and grandkids were in another room than she was cause no one can stand to be around her.) If we call my aunt and ask her what her job duties are , she is going to side with the aide because of bad relationships with my mother and father. The aide has smoozed my grandfather that my grandfather would even defend her over my mom and dad. It is sad.

I personally think the aide knows of the friction in the family and is trying to play off of it. She knows if my mom was to call my aunt there would be a fight and eventually my dad will stop coming at night and then the aide can stay 24 hours a day and get her salary raised and then not need her apartment.

Pray for peace. Unforunately with my aunt there is only peace if everything goes her way and only her way.

In regards to who has been there for my grandfather. My mom has been up there every day since my grandfather came home from the hospital on May 7. She has not been up there two days so far in three weeks. That was yesterday and today because she had some work stuff to catch up on. As for my aunt, hmmh. She was up there Sunday and prior to that day was last Wednesday for the funeral. She is retired. See if she hires the aide ( with my grandfather's money) she does not feel guilty because he is taken care of and it means my mom does not have to go up there and make her look bad.


The Brown Recluse said...

If you know for a fact that the only money paying for the aide is your grandfather's money, a group of you should consider going to the house and firing her, and hiring another one. As long as aunt thinks she can run everything, she will. A group can override one person.
I'll pray for peace and wisdom for your family during this trying time.

That corgi :) said...

I like what the Brown Recluse said in her comment. I think this aide needs to go; sounds like a toxic situation all around. It is sad when families have problems like this; you would hope everyone would want to work together to make your grandfather's final days as pleasant as possible (I know your mom/dad are doing the best they can)