Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Birthdays

Today was the beginning of birthday season for us. This was the sad one that we tried to make good. It is my brother's birthday.

I cried when I saw some people posting on his facebook page and what they had to say. I cried when I came home and looked at his page again.

After school, Mom and I met my sister and nephew at my brother's gravesite. I bought 4 balloons and we released them one at a time. Three flew higher and higher. Mine did not. It got stuck in the nearest tree. We waited and waited for it to break loose. It never did. I told my Mom and Sister that it was God telling us that my brother still lives in our memories and hearts here on earth. ( I typed all this without crying until now and to be down right honest. I dont want him to live in my memories and heart. I WANT HIM HERE ON EARTH WITH US! A piece of us is gone forever. It is the truth,,, I know all the spiritual answers. If I told you we were fine , I would be lying. We miss him dearly and have to move forward with our New Normal. DO we like the New Normal.....no but we have to get used to it.) Don't ever say that I am not honest... cause that side note is straight from the heart.

My nephew asked me if they were coming over for dinner tonight like last year. I had forgotten all about that but he didn't. My sister wasn't feeling well and wanted to go home. Mom and I went to a mexican restaurant...the same chain but different location of our last lunch together before he died. Evidently, the dinner meant something to my nephew and she text me to say next year we need to have dinner to celebrate Rob's life and keep his memory alive for my nephew. So Mom and I both ordered my brother's favorite dish which was Nachos Supreme. We ate in his memory.

Just so you know this March 4 was 17 months since he left us. I still look at his picture and ask for the nightmare to end. It is still hard to realize he is gone. Ok... the tears are coming again. I want to end on a postive celebration.....

God Gave my Parents 49 years
God Gave my Sister  47 years
God Gave me 39 years
God Gave my nephew 9 years

of being Blessed with My Brother's Presence and Life.

Thank you God for that Gift.......
.................
but I would have liked a lot more ... me being selfish .

Til we meet again.

2 comments:

betty said...

I do think it is good, Becky, that you are trying to keep your brother's memory alive for your nephew; he will be the one that carries his uncle's life on to his children in years to come. I don't think anyone likes their new normal after they lose a much loved family member or friend and yep, we do want more; you are right to thank God, even through the tears.

betty

The Brown Recluse said...

What a nice way for you all to gather and remember. You are building extra memories for your nephew, not just of his uncle, but of all of you doing family things to honor the memory of your brother.