Thursday, September 30, 2010


REAL........ According to the dictionary, real means of or relating to fixed, permanent, or immovable things ;not artificial, fraudulent, or illusory.

This word has caused some friction in my life this evening. A statement was made with this word concerning adoption. My nephew is adopted. It is not a secret. He will tell you that another woman carried him in her belly and God chose him to be a part of our family. You see the statement was....How will he react when he finds out that my sister and brother in law are not his "real" parents and he chooses to look for his "real" parents. I flew off the handle with this statement. You see my sister and BIL are his "real" parents. They are there for him everyday. They are raising him. They are permanent, it is legal and they are not going anywhere. Their relationship as his parents is immovable. It is not artificial or fraudulent. It is what it is, two loving parents raising the son they have loved since he was an infant.

I am in no way undermining the role of his biological parents. They are exactly that, the biological parents. Just because they share DNA it does not make them his "real" parents. They knew they could not be "real" parents. "Real" parents are there every day. They love, support, nurture and provide for the child. His biological parents knew that they could not fulfill these roles and be what they needed to be for him. They knew enough about themselves to give him up to a couple who could be all this. They loved him enough to provide him with a "real" family by placing him up for adoption. Because of this, I am ever grateful for their fling of passion that resulted in such a beautiful blessing to our family. His "real" family that loves and supports him. The "real" family that has smiled and cried through the last seven years. In his life, my sister and BIL are his "real" parents. We are his "real" family. His life is "real". We are "real". We are permanent, we are immovable. We will never run from him. We are not artificial. Silk flowers are artificial. We are "real" in every since of the word.

Thank you Lord for an awesome nephew that you brought to our family. Thank you for allowing me to be his "real" aunt. I could not love him any more if he were my own child.

1 comment:

That corgi :) said...

truly understand, Becky, having two adopted kids of my own. I don't think people really get it about adoption (or else they are incredibly stupid with the words that they say). It is permanent like you said. Birth parent/biological parent are good terminology to use, "real" is not. but be prepared, as nephew grows, even though he understands the whole concept of adoption, he might even himself say something in reference to his biological parents and refer to them as "real" (both my kids did it and they knew from the beginning they were adopted, etc, etc, etc).

all you can continue to do is educate people and hope they eventually get it