I have a lot to say and I may get tired and make it part one and part two.
My brother officially left this earth on a Thursday at 7:30. So on Thursday of last week, I bought two balloons and went to the grave site with my nephew after school. I went and said my tribute. Then I cried and released the balloon. I asked my nephew if he wanted to say something. His response was that he didn't know what to say. I told him to say what ever is on his heart even if it is just I love you and miss you. He said ok. I asked if he wanted me to stay or walk away. He told me to walk away. I did walk away a few grave sites over. I watched him though. He did say something then walked past the tree my brother is under and released his balloon. I walked up and touched him and he leaned his head into me and sobbed. We both sobbed.
Then we walked over to my uncle's grave, who he had never met. I explained to him he was crazy lady's first husband and his cousin's daddy. We then drove to my grandparent's grave. We looked at it and then I had an idea. We stole a flower from my grandparent's new fall flower arrangement paid for by the crazy lady. We took it to my brother's best friend's grave. He was killed in an accident in 1989 at 21. It was devastating to my brother and our church. We found it. ( I always visit it after my grandparents). My nephew immediately bent over to clean off the headstone. He then laid the flower diagonally across the headstone. It was very touching how precise and careful he was. It was like it was an honor for him to do this for Rob's best friend. I was teary eyed again.
Friday rolls around... according the calendar , it is officially a year that day. I had wanted to have a family dinner in his honor. This was shot down by my other sibling who did not want to do anything sad. So we do nothing as a family. She lays around all day with tears and sadness. Her way of grief. My nephew won't play with friends and mopes around outside. I look at him and said his uncle would love that we miss him but he would not be happy with you moping around and not playing ball. So get up, get your ball and go play baseball, your uncle's favorite sport. He did.
Well, I am miserable just sitting around. I wanted to pay honor and have a tribute to his life. HIS LIFE not his death. I came home and told my Mom that we were going to the grave site with a balloon for her and heading out to dinner somewhere. She said, well I was wanting to go to grave site but did not want to go alone. So off we went. She went and said her tribute then released her balloon. We then went out to a Mexican restaurant. You see on Saturday nights before he was married we would eat out every Saturday night and would frequent a Mexican restaurant. So we sit down and I order his favorite Mexican meal.... Nachos Supreme. It was a delicious. Then I came home and had his favorite candy... Peanut M & M's.
Mom said.... I want to make this a tradition. We all miss him but we can't bring him back but we can honor him. Indeed, we did.