I was doing a little better with being down and and depressed.
I received a call about 2 months ago from another Christian retailer asking me to work for her for a week while her entire family took a vacation. I told her I would.
Let me tell you on day one of working there , I was depressed. So much of the stuff reminded me of my brother and made me miss him even more.
What did I learn... I could not have carried the business on without him. He was so much a part of it that it never would have been the same. My heart is not in it anymore without him.
I will be glad tomorrow at 6 PM when it will be my last few minutes there. I dont like this feeling of depression, sadness and unhappiness all the time.
I have been going to bed so early just from being tired and depressed and dont like that either.
You just dont know how much I wanted to call her and say... I just cant do it but I have persevered and followed through with my committment.
Today someone came in and wanted a cd burned and it was the song I requested at my brothers funeral. He then asked us to play it over the speaker system so that he could hear it better. We obliged but within seconds I was hiding in the back balling like a baby, I couldnt help it and I couldnt stop them and I let them flow and flow.
I have enjoyed seeing a few of our old customers but have not enjoyed the attitudes of so-called Christians again.
So it was a week to know I made the right decision in closing the store and a week to learn I cant work Christian retail anymore and week to learn I cant work retail anymore either.
On a funny note, which believe me , I needed some laughter. The pizza place next door has a real sweet young man working there the last few days when I have placed my lunch order. He asked me how old I was today in conversation and I told him 40. His mouth dropped in disbelief and he said I thought you were 30 at the most. He is my new best friend. Sad,,,, I am old enough to be his momma.